"Adult"-Hood

Raise your hand if being an adult is way different than you might have imagined as an adolescence looking forward in your own future. Parents used to always seem like they had it together, knew the answers to all the questions (hard & easy), had an endless supply of cash to buy the things we needed or even just wanted-- and man, they just made it look so easy!

At least my parents did. And the parents of the friends I grew up with.

But alas, here I am. In my 30th year of life, and how do I feel?... Like the 23 year old version of myself, just with a more serious job and more bills that have accumulated because I no longer live with my Mom & Dad (which I admittedly miss now & then!!)

I'm not saying I feel like my life is some "hot mess" because that certainly isn't true. The questions of "When will I actually feel like a grown up??" is something that just lingers out there before me constantly.

I had some dear friends stay with me last weekend, and we discussed a version of this thought process till almost 2am one of the nights they were here. This feeling of extended "college-aged" life and how in a sense we don't feel like we are fitting in with those in our age group. Most of my friends I grew up with are on their 2nd or 3rd child by now! Or, have their Masters Degree and are rocking it in their career of choice... And while I am so happy for them, and love their little ones, I find their life situations hard to relate to. I mean, I am engaged & will be married soon (in exactly 4 months, BTW!!! *SO excited*!!!), but I mean, I don't feel like I've arrived to this place of feeling like: Okay, this is it. I'm an adult. 

I am still in college. Still working towards that career goal of being a Counselor one day, which is so important to me. I'm still working on being responsible, saving money, and just trying to be satisfied where I am at until I really am able to make the career move I have always wanted to. In my life, I just never want to be immobilized by the journey, and the fact that it will take major perseverance to be who I want to be, and to have the thriving marriage that we aim to have, and to be successful and loving parents one day... Because when I think of being all of these things from where I stand, they seem like such distant and enormous goals to perfect and truly live out on a daily basis.

And inside, I am just like: Gosh, I hope I can be 1/2 the parent mine where to my siblings and I. And I hope I have what it takes to persevere through college, and take the leap of faith to be a great and effective counselor, and to love my husband and be there for him and give him my all, while juggling all the other things in my life that mean something to me. But, these are my dreams, the goals I've had for so long now. I don't want to just get half way there and give up, or feel like it's so much work. Because in the end I know I will look back and see it was SO worth it.

So, if there's anyone else out there feeling the weight of all I'm saying and feeling: You're not alone. And WE CAN DO IT! I know we can! Especially with God! I know for me, these dreams and goals are more than just random thoughts or hopes... they're what I was put on this earth to do.

He will always make a way, even when there seems to be no way.