Mom's are Powerful.

I've had this internal conversation with myself for a while now. I do that a lot. A certain subject will come to mind, and I'll just mull it over and over and converse with myself internally around it all.

Is that weird? Well, it's me! Ha!

I'll preface this by saying this for sure isn't some feminist rant or trying to prove women are above men in any way. I actually find it to be that both men and women bring things to the table that everyone needs, and working together, utilizing our strengths is the best use of our energy! Therefore, I fully acknowledge Father's are extremely powerful too, and there is nothing like a Father's love to a child's heart. But that conversation is for another day, and another post.

Today: Mom's are Powerful.

I don't have a source for this fact, but I heard it from someone in my life who is wise and I really trust what comes out of her mouth, because she's just the kind of person who is intelligant and full of understanding about a myriad of topics. Anyhow, one day we were chatting, and she told me that a child's self worth (the view they will have of themselves for the REST of their lives) is set in place in the first 3 years of their lives.

I found that to be completely fascinating. I studied psychology and counseling for a while when I was in college, and my childhood development psych class was fantastic. I've literally recalled numerous bits of information from that course as I've had children, and it's helped me to be patient with their development and helped me to understand that the little hiccups that seem odd to us as adults (a 2 year old throwing a fit, spontaneously crying, or feeling insecure...) are all just really normal parts of their growth, mentally and emotionally. It makes me a better mom when I can look at those moments logically, instead of emotionally, so I don't get too frustrated when situations like that occur.

So clearly, we've all been "sheltering in place" for a bit now. Thanks 'rona. I was furloughed a few weeks ago, and before that even, I only worked 2 days a week; therefore am really mostly a SAHM (stay at home mom) and my husband works as a Contractor full time. This time has been such a blessing to me, much to my surprise. Maternity leave (multiple weeks off work in a row, lots of diapers, crying and Little BabyBum) was always so hard for me, and I guess I kind of figured that this furlough would feel the same. Turns out, sans the insane post-preggo hormones, anxiety and physical recovery pain, being at home with my kids full time actually totally rocks!

I'm getting off topic, or not even focusing at all yet, really, on my main point.

Why are Mom's so powerful?

The factoid from earlier on, my children are having foundational years, moments and development RIGHT NOW. And, I (along with my husband) are the main contributors to how all of this goes for them! Heavy, right? I mean, what a task!! When I rock my kids to sleep at night (well, as babies... so, just Sam right now...) I usually use those minutes to pray over my children and husband. I feel like God has allowed me to have this longitudal perspective of my children, to see them down the road in life and right now sowing into their spirits. Maybe that's normal for everyone, maybe it's not? Praying purpose and greatness over their destiny's. Praying that God touches and captures their hearts on a very real level at young ages. That He fills in the gaps for them where my husband and I will fall short, because I know we will in moments.

These moments truly almost feel more like intercession, it's this deep prayer, a cry from truly one of the deepest parts of me, contending with my sweet Jesus for these precious souls he's trusted us with. That His peace and presence would guide their feet their whole lives. I feel like I see my children in such a new light when I have these moments with God. Because I'm realizing and acknowledging that they are only mine to disciple/lead/influence for such a short time. Of course I'll be here for them for anything until the day I die, but you know what I'm saying. Eighteen years is going to fly by. And when I think about that, I realize I am one of the most POWERFUL voices in my children's lives right now, and will continue to be until that age where they're grown and moving out and we just need to "Let them go, and hope we brought them up right." (Name that movie!! It's Father of the Bride! Ha!)

All of this being said begs the question, "What voice will I be to their ears?" Will I be harsh, judgmental, unforgiving of their shortcomings and failures? Or will I be a cheerleader, a friend, a person who disciplines to show love and guidance when needed, and a voice who always points to Jesus?

I know I FOR SURE aim to be the latter. I very much see Joy and I having a Lorelai and Rory relationship when she is a teenager, and when I say I see that, I mean, that is totally what I want! HA! We'll see how that goes I guess! Haha! And I want Sam to be able to come to me, or Alex for anything he ever faces from girls to peer pressure, literally anything, the boy version or Gilmore Girls! I really really just above all want them to know HOME is a safe space. Where we have grace and forgiveness for sins, hugs for tears, and laughter and joy as we all grow together on this journey of life. Because we all in fact are still growing, failing in moments, and figuring life out as we go, even us parents.

I know Dad's are powerful too, and I feel like I could say a lot of this same stuff when it comes to Alex's role in our kids lives, and he and I have talked about all of this a lot. His heart and mine are on the same page with all of this. I just know so, so deeply right now, in this season of life that I personally am an incredibly powerful voice and role model in my children's lives. God, I want to be so faithful. If this is one of the only things I get totally right in life, I want Him to be proud of who I am in this. And I want my children to grow up and be people who change this world and the atmosphere around them, wherever God leads their lives.

I probably could keep talking about this subject for a while, but I'll leave it at that for now. I'll say though, to you weary Momma's and Papa's out there. Don't give up the fight, find your strength in the Lord, understand that you're SO important in your little ones lives. Ask God to give you that revelation and for it to hit your heart in a real way. The enemy just despises family and there has been a war on fatherhood, motherhood and families in the spirit for so long. We need our sons to understand what being a SON means, and our daughters to understand the importance and power they hold as daughters of the King. Jesus, wreck our hearts for our children, and for our roles as Mother's and Father's and how incredibly powerful this task is in our world, today and for future generations to come.

Samuel.

Well, in 3 days our sweet Sam is going to be 2 months old! I wrote Joy's birth story at 2 weeks old, so, I thought I'd stick with the two theme!

This darling little boy is rocking to sleep beside me right now, as I sit down to recall his birth journey. It started on a Monday morning at 6am, and ended on a Tuesday night at 11:54pm or somewhere around there. Basically a long time from when it started. (Ha!)

So, being induced. Yeah. No. It's not fun. Essentially telling your body, "Hey, have this baby right now!" When your body is like, "Umm, I know when I'm ready and it's not right now. " Thus leading to the ridiculously long birth story that is ours.

If you've followed the posts I've written, you know we had a few moments of uncertainty along the way with this pregnancy. Sam was diagnosed with an umbilical vein varix when he was 29 weeks along, and we had to monitor him and his cord closely through the rest of the pregnancy. The specialists told us lots of scary "could be's" along the way and it was definitely a little intense for me in moments, praying he was okay. All to which my OB urged me to not allow them to put any fear into me regarding any of it. Wise words. All in all, nothing negative came from any of that, praise God. However due to all of that, they said inducing at 39 weeks would be recommended. On top of that, this little guy decided that being head down, and prepared for natural labor wasn't something he was all about, so, my OB suggested that at 38 weeks we try something out to flip him into the head down position and then induce at that point if that was successful. The option of a c-section was talked about and something I hoped could be avoided, so I took my doctors recommendations for the 38 week positioning intervention which brought us to that Monday morning at 6am.

We got to the hospital for our version, and miraculously Sam had already flipped himself head down. Which basically meant they checked us right in to get the induction moving. Now, I had heard stories from other friends who had been induced, so, I naively thought, sweet, we'll be holding our little one by sometime that evening and on our way home shortly after. WRONG.

To spare the more unsightly details... 24 hours went by and nothing happened. Literally nothing. My body was like... "Nope. Not ready." So we took a break and decided to try again the next morning. And in the meantime, we had gotten word that my brother and sister in law were heading into the hospital and proceeded to have their baby within a few hours! And there we were, twittering our thumbs...LOL! Of course we were unbelievably happy for them, it was so fun doing pregnancy with Jess, commiserating through it all together, and it has continued to be awesome having our boys be only about 25 hours apart and going through all the newborn stuff together. But, we were ready for our little guy to make his appearance. Anyhow, things finally started moving along the next day and once my body was officially in labor, it was only about 11 hours total before Sam came. Which, compared to my 20 hour labor with Joy, it wasn't so bad.

And, just like the first time, there is absolutely NOTHING on earth that compares with the explosive joy of seeing your baby for the first time in person. The joy shared between my husband and I, and just the intense and wonderful love felt for this beautiful little person who just entered the world. And even though I don't necessarily want to have anymore children biologically, I am certain that feeling would never grow old, with all the wonder and amazement it brings.

This is a pretty personal photo, and part of me hesitated to even share it because it is so special to me, but I just LOVE everything about it. It was such a wonderful moment and I'm so lucky my sister got to be there with us to capture this rare shot which I didn't get for Joy's birth.

If you know me, and have been around me while I've been pregnant, you've definitely heard me rave about my OB, so having her in a picture is so special to me as well. She's absolutely one of my favorite people on earth and such a pillar of wisdom, strength and comfort as I've gone through both of my pregnancies and giving birth to our children. Gah. All the feels looking at this picture. I'm so blessed to have had 2 wonderful birth stories at our woman's hospital, and so blessed to have such a wonderful partner there for me through the journey that bringing babies into this world is. I don't take it for granted one bit, any of it. I know not everyone has the same feelings and stories regarding their journey. I just feel so very thankful.

Our wonderful little Samuel Polansky is here. He's perfect. He's 100% healthy and 1000% adorable. Newborn phase is always a blur, I remember saying that with Joy and it's still true. Filled with so little sleep, so many bottles, lots of great snuggles and my phone maxing out because I've taken way too many pictures. But, I guess I just try to cling to the truth that these days (even though they seem soo long at moments) go by sooo quickly. My 2 year old proves that when I look at her and hear her speak in full sentences to me, and I'm just thinking, "you're still a baby, how are you so grown already!?" And internally mourning the loss of my baby girl but loving and anticipating this amazing little girl she is so quickly becoming before our eyes.

Man. Parenthood.What an intense journey. What an absolute blessing. I wouldn't trade any of it for all the sleep in the world. And coming from someone who hasn't had a full night of sleep in probably 5/6 months at this point, that's definitely saying something :)