Jesus.

I have found myself more often than not lately, completely overwhelmed by life. Half of me loves the season I am in; living in my adorable little apartment, working a great job, surrounded by friends who I am learning about and growing with and in a relationship with a guy that I care for so much. The other half of me is going through this quarter life crisis, freaking out about the fact that I just turned 29, and not understanding how to keep my mind from reeling with all the thoughts and worried about life and how I felt like I'd have my life WAY more together by now. And when I say "together" I think I mean when I hold my life up to a pattern for life...A lot of people are married by 29, most people are for sure done with college, most of my friends have a baby (or 3) and others have these successful careers.

And then here I am like...yep! Junior in college! While I am in a loving relationship, I feel like marriage is still down the road a bit for sure...and babies?!? Holy cow! No way can I handle that now! I am not trying to express any disappointment in where I am at in life, because I sincerely am thankful for where I am at, and for the things happening around me. I think I am just trying to cope with the fact that I am no longer 20 years old, and what that really means! I don't even know what it is supposed to mean! I just know it feels weird. And I don't feel like my head, heart and brain are up to speed with the natural elements of time and becoming a more mature adult, whether I feel ready for it or not.

Through all of this though, God is so faithful. His goodness and mercy follow me all of my days. I see this so clearly through His love for me in all seasons, He never leaves me or forsakes me.

As I feel my life fill with all these cares and concerns of life and living well, I have learned something that I feel like I have been failing at lately; but it holds profoundly true and it is something I am striving to make a focal point and a center for my existence. When I lose touch with God, and don't make time for Him in all the little details of my life, I begin to feel such a hollow emptiness that no man, friendship or other human being can fill-- but the One who made this heart of mine.

He is the wellspring of life. This isn't something I've known on a heart level until lately, when I feel that lack because of my own negligence when it comes to keeping His relationship number one in my life. And it's not like I've even ever purposefully set out to not keep that relationship strong, or allow it to take the back burner when it came to school work piling up, and friendships I wanted to give attention to, I guess it just is one of those things that can sneak up on you all of a sudden. For me, I'll notice the lack of His presence in my life because all of a sudden I'll feel like my life is falling apart around me. Very likely nothing is wrong, but that glue (the Holy Spirit) who holds my life together begins allowing me to feel the absence of peace and joy, because I need to be drawn back in.

I'm thankful He does this. I know it needs to happen. If He just let us run around not continually calling our hearts back to Him when there are busy seasons, distractions and stress--who knows where we'd end up!

Anyhow, I am rambling now. I am just thankful for the peace of God. I am so thankful for the love that He always shows us and how He uses so many different situations in our lives for growth and for our good, even when they may seem stressful or intense on the surface.